Dedicated to all my friends....

There are some things I must say.....
When the lights of earth approaches your sight
Open your eyes to judge the view
Don’t be scared to see the colors spread
We never know when our eyes contrast
‘And god forbids’
If someday it is blackened in dark

There are some things we must realise....
Even the darkest night is formed within
It’s about the eye mirage not opening to see
The rays followed within the deep misery
And we are in-deep never letting time to forget it
‘And god forbids’
If someday it is blackened dark inside the heart

There are some things we’ve got to left it...
The colors are designed as it should be
The happiness lies in pursuing it
The fake desire what we dream
May obsessed a downfall pondering
‘And god forbids’
If someday it is blackened dark inside the heart
Despite of the memories we have to climb on and on

There are some things we need to mesmerize..
Within the blue sky of the horizon touch
The life is longing on without knowing full-stop
The path we accrued and post-determined
We came to know life is never tear or smile
And if someday the path is longing to be far away
We’ll be together with some kind of means
If I miss you and wanting you to talk with
But the time played a gap to hear your voice
‘And god forbids’
If someday the voice is fallen
With blackened dark of heart

There are some things I must say before a goodbye.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye.

"Saraswati Mantra"

Hoping for Goddesses saraswati always reside in me, acknowledging me with her blessing and knowledge

"Yaa Kundendu Tushaara Haaradhavalaa, Yaa Shubhravastraavritha
Yaa Veenavara Dandamanditakara, Yaa Shwetha Padmaasana
Yaa Brahmaachyutha Shankara Prabhritibhir Devaisadaa Vanditha
Saa Maam Paatu Saraswati Bhagavatee Nihshesha Jaadyaapaha"

Meaning: Goddess Saraswati is fair and beautiful like the jasmine-colored moon. Her white garland resembles the icy dew drops. She is decked in pure white attire. A white lotus serves as the throne of Maa Saraswati, on whose arm rests Veena. We pray Maha Saraswati, who is surrounded and respected by the Gods to bestow her blessings on us. May the goddess remove our lethargy and brighten our life with light of knowledge.

"Invariable Constrain Inside O'Me"

What is breaking out of me?
The body is stuck comparatively numb
What path I'm heading to?
Solitary anger crush my mind.

Where's been life heading?
I'm unknown when's life taking a turn!
I've been wondering where's me up to know?
Don't know what I am sowing now!!
Looking at the past eyes filled with guilt
Unconsciousness grasp my way to peek
Although I've left those roaming around
Same hallucination pierce my mind

Where reaches the path I'm longing to?
I'm just passing to trace its way
Unknown of all worldly affairs
I'm running away from shadows to make a escape
Don't know what's good and bad but,
I'm trying to move faster and time is passing slow
I'm waiting for a call from god
To move back again the passage I crawled

Why sunshine sparkling in my windows,
Couldn't spread rays to enlighten my lonesome heart?
Where has all those laughter vanished out
Along with courage to carry out dutiful son
Don't know what's time expecting of me
I'm laming to sense its touch
Every moment I'm starving again
With the feels like these of broken heart

"Dream on"

What if time suspends in pendulum
and earth stops rotating its way
the river starts flowing in anti direction
and mountain tops proclaiming its haze
toward the southern edge of destruction
and gravity lose its pace
onward the two pole collision of unhumble affairs
and the sky drops the blood
and land starts vomiting the rage
burning in isolated thirst of waves
and another earthquake loots again
within the guilt sound spread inside
morning visit of the wounded heart
visible within the surrounded darkness
the natural strikes of land and floods
drowned in the heart regrets
swallowing darkness in the caves of the heart desire
i dream as i go on
and until I'm burn
hollowing pillow i sleep on
dreaming the nightmare as i live on

Circles

We'll be in a same side where-ever we be
I'll be burning like a fire and you'll be freezing in deep
If gotta chance to come on motion again
See my picture it will remind you a cold
A frozen heart that will never melt again
and once it beat with your name
But never now that's for truth

We'll be running in a same circle every then and now
We'll be running like a laser beams
If I died with your pictures in heart and soul
Your eyes will be reflecting it
The time we spent together will never be back
Never know what our destiny be
but every walk of down turn as we move
Always the heart be missing the love crushed deep

We are passing on a same tunnel again
My lights are ruined by the stoppage
and yours with never stopping downfall
The passage is so awkward here for me to walk
And you are lost in the memos ain't able to overcome
trying pushing hard to resist on where we are
we are passing on circles
we are moving on a same circles again

"Only for you my friends"

Life will run a quasi flow
Thoughts will be the waves dragging you
There may be numbers of beach you pass
I'll be in one waiting you
to make a best part to make two
To add more and more to make group
then we will laugh together to the endless time
We will cherish the memo with pictures so fine
tides may procure and catch our hand
pulling us back to the place faith designed
time may cheats and hollow our mind
time becomes the space separating to miles
but our heart will turn again the pictures of past
and the moment will be cherished up to divinity times

Journal To Life

There may be gap to fill, there may be struggle that we see, a dream never aimed will never be achieved but what need is consistency. Make a path to start a new, sun will heal the every drops of dew , flow like a lightning tearing the storm and always keep in mind there will always be an out-let for river to reach the sea.

To All my past memories that are blooming inside my heart and a deep regards to my Mom, Dad and My brothers for showing me the actual distinction between the colors spread throughout these universe.

Thank you
Nischal Raj Dawadi

Part 1

Every night I Dream (April 25th 2009)

The rain shaded the dust of leaves. The tallest mountain that may ever sparkle in the history is shining at the country side with this morning sun. Else it was very hard to make a glimpse of it, thanks to the rain that poured yesterday night. I stared at the roof top seen far across the other end, the dew drops were shining and catching my eyes and I was starting to feel some dizziness looking for it some while. The reflection was so strong that I wasn’t able to make the eye out of it. It was some kind of hypnotism work made out of me and I couldn’t get out of me. But it was just a feel. The last night rain was so heavy, I could tell it looking the water at every corners of the streets still searching the outlet to rush somewhere deep beneath. The shadow amounted to focus again by the burning sun and the corridor I’m having my morning tea is still wet, but sun shine still made it visible else dark always ruined my images. Glory that depends to be past was always eyeing me and my generation, but still walkover in the inconsistency made hard to predict the past. Was the fault dependent upon us or somewhere else that left us in it? I’m thinking over it every morning staring the green field and past haze was always revolving round the blood vessels I’m not able to share with anyone because past is always making guilt at us: the generation that belongs to nowhere but lost with time with a view to give something like a better place for living.

Don’t know how this kind of feel can be overcome but thinking it over again and again, I don’t think I can occupy or fill the spaces of heart over these things, and wash it through every veins of blood it may be flowing and taking me to insanity. I always feel like being abused if I’m deeper to it, so every time I listen to the heart full music to overcome this grief of dependence pain, I feel like being parasite sucking blood that flows beneath. Then I came to discover pinching every soul to the limit ain’t will be able to make me smile. So I thought of writing every points of life I passed through with a hope that I will be able to overcome this enormous pain. That’s how this journey to paint a boundary line with the colors of life started. I’m trying to draw it first but I know after its completion, it will be painted with beautiful words without differencing the linguistic character and the colors of race, no politics and no mind game. It will just be pure as sky and water and as pure as god and goodness if ever they exist in human mind and heart. Ok let’s start a beautiful journey of mixture of past and unknown future, one to one walk of lame toward a strength and courage to achieve and success. Hope you would like to flow in it.

Intoxicating in overwhelming excitement with a fear of death just after starting the countdown, I was hung up by a strong hand in the air to rectify was I all right or not? It was just an easy out way after the overdosing of mind at every corridor of unbearable uncertainties and lack of sense. The same indifference is still seen in my eyes, trying to sleep on mother’s lap once again as before, I feel like getting warmth above sun heat in my mother’s love, I can feel both thunder and rains she have passed before. She has reached here lately I can see it in her eyes. Thus, I liked to dedicate every melodies of my life to her for uplifting and nourishing me with her realistic and faithful determination and pigmented sensation. The boy like me haven’t ever confronted and dare to ask these things to my parents but the word was always truer and stronger inside my heart and it was always evolving like an echo evoked long years earlier but still it is ongoing and revolving inside every ribs of my broken heart, the sensation of pilgrimage and worship for them is irreplaceable but determined. The undermined future cannot even take a little bit from me and I’m glad to say it over again and again.

With every corners of life I’m heading this way, sometimes I think what if I’m porcelain, broken with every downfall into pieces in my own eyes. With massive raging fires of regrets to every way I followed and I’m followed by a misery of getting nowhere. Like a feel of being disabled to walk through the congested corners of mass, like physically awkward and lamer, like a parasitic through every branch of the steam sucking it to make a life going on. Every time a horrible affair of so called life is trying to ditch me every pavement I walk thorough, to consolidate me into a mass made of nothing and every time I fear of the unknown walls that is protecting me to go nowhere but stay as if I’m a null and every time the empty spaces spread through miles is filling inside me the sense of terrorism inside my heart. Don’t know what fear meant to be but still guess it is protection or lack of braveness to overcome! I think to myself with pouring eyes of every night where I sit beside to lean on dark, breath the rooted oxygen inhaling deep inside to throw out yap to everyone, See me! I’m still alive. I sit besides talking to air like an insane, I scream, I cry, I laugh loud! Oh! Very loud, does anyone listen to me; I mean it to everyone, to all so call a greatest creation in this earth. Can you see me or has your eyes lost the visibility to listen the insightness of heart? Would you ever recognize me or will you die without my recognition? Guess who is inside your deep rooted soul; guess it till you make it right. Keep on guessing.

An early zest with a morning sun, don’t know from where a will to come back in motion takeover the mind. Don’t know what inertia is comprised in for this strength that helps to move us once back again toward the flow for what so called life. May be it’s the endangering lights that is gone in the insight of mind but every time it attracts with divinity and maybe that’s the reason behind every human striving toward its endless fate with faith. An unconscious mind even knows its glory hidden behind it and burning taken over it maybe so called rise and fall, a dawn and dusk, flittering it with ever so synonymous that take over in life. Ridding in the early sun that breakdown the power of dark into the judgment so critical and identifiable to every blooming creature that exist. But does it harms their eternity of longing miles into the shadows of memories is still so unpredictable, but still it walks with courage to fight despite of demise on the eye of nature and natural being.

I sometime stood in a vague trying to mesmerize the touch of serenity that behold my body like it is squeezing me, abusing me and contempting me with a ease betrayal and forcing me to play a role, I never wanted to be in. But when I open my eyes then I see is the pleasantful, unexhausting and toy like ball where I was born. May be it’s what called world where we are being detritus. We may think and compare with the malice care. But actually the point to with-stand and the endless journey to nowhere start over again and again in this holy place what called earth. Drowning in the blood stream for filling and feeling the heat at a periodical base may be the actual mean for survival but to accompany the sense of nirvana it needed a belief and trust in living with deed and quit the worthiness that exist to bring the human terror toward the war affair and burning rage. May be its called Buddha’s perception and enlightened perspective, but crossing through the bridge of meadow the sense of un-protective world haunts the soundness of mind taking it through the hindrance and blood-marks spreaded over every street and every corridor of bloodline. And maybe it is called terror: a fear that lies in the innermost corner of heart.

I try to recognize the time when I look through the west, a cold sun just going to fall beneath rebelling sky with its light for the today’s fall, allowing colors to spread over the longest vertical limit where the people of the other sides are carnivalling for the sun rise and at this side a mourn in dead symphony. What it would be if the rainbow sparkles every day? Would people die to see it like they do now or the relativeness importance of the rainbow will lose its dignity, What would be the case if sun shines every time passes its light of eternity for eternal, I think it myself before I go to bed. Thanking every moment I shared the day, remembering the laughter and smiles, remembering the talks, the history of today will never be the same tomorrow knowingly, I wished the beginning is the same tomorrow. Nevertheless if it happens the same what should we long for the life, what will happen to the journey we strive for and how can we walk same monotonous way with excellence. Thinking over it again and again I close my eyes to fall asleep.

I stood and see the enormous capability of the day wind, chilling through the passage, blowing without a direction but still reaching the destiny: frowning coldness inside the heart. The aim and dreams all that I’m foreseeing is achieved in mess and I stood getting nothing while I sleep on bed for last night RIP. A thin corridor passage where I’ve to pass through seems like a dream come true, a truth but never accepted by a single one, love that we see and feel but I ask to myself when I’m alone: Is it the same I’m used to or is that the colors it seems real? Thinking alone in the dark and listening to the melodies flowing through the wind I sometime listen the unclear heartbeat: Is it the mirage formed by heart or it is real? Can’t distinguish but always mind play tricks whenever I’m alone. Taking me to the world of memories, I see lots of faces known and unknown and then I see mountains and rivers, birds and sky then I finally face my mother eyes where I’m lost. I never can share my own dream without my mom behind me, patting my back and always wishing me a better future supported by the strong hand of my father and deep love of my brothers because of which I never feel the way of being lonesome. Then the inconsistency goes deeper to my soul that I search the way back to the originality and I stood on the piece of mud so called land. I then think of what would I be called if I was living in air or what it would be to called the land; a land of pride? Or it would be my foolishness if I think so? The land where I was born full of beautiful scenario but should I seek the wholesomeness inside the heart or lost in the gazing vista to look for wonderland. Every time I think I’m lost.

Being totally selfish, I also believe the general theory of life is to live and let live other with their free will, but when I think it alone it rather seems a pathetic phrase rather it may contain any optimism. But still it depends upon the human observation and I would like to concoct if it hurts because I’m just using my right to have my say. But every night I fear of the coldness that is spread outside and possible harm to coming off springs. If this nightmare so come true, then how can one survive out of it. Has anyone idea for it? Just click the mind and think it deeply, the deep rooted depression is overwhelmingly approaching nearer and nearer to the door, think how can we make our child safely out of it? Can our child practice free thinking that may bloom a history out of it or would they commit with-drawl so called easiest path to be out of it. The conciseness of it totally depends upon ones’ hand, better think of it before it’s too late to apply.

Every time I walk through and every time I tried to build a bridge between one hemisphere of brain to another, to bring the light of laughter and over rolling smiles of contrast and brightness of life. But don’t know why, when I see myself in the mirrors of life, my reflection is looted by the colors and passion of fears that is inbuilt within. I laughed to gaze around and I see a blindness in every smile that are faking at me, thought like a duty carrying like an occupation to bind, a duty to proceed before being late for something and to carryon every steps that comes through being dutiful and showing diligence, to teach the future offspring that are looking the eyes of time. A prudery to set up a building so that no depression can enter inside the heart filled with terror, how can it be? I think it myself. If it was so, I would build up a mall out of laughter, and help each off spring to settle inside without a grief and without a feel of loss, but time ain’t so. The nastiness of time has led myself to the endangering condition, a feel of depression is so passively building inside don’t know when I will fall but till then should I think of it and wait to make a blow off me? Na! That’s not the case here. Fighting with the real spirit is what I’ve been taught and if also I’m broke I won’t surrender, not this time.

A year of misconduct to second year of misleading, this is how I thought the life passing on like a bow fired on the air and without an aim. Let us say a stupidity of the ones’ choice to remain in the world of chaos and without an illusory game of blame at each other’s forehead that may result an overall consequences of dispute and war affair in this reign. Let me be simpler to the every phrase that I use that may create an agony within the human mind. This agony has led most of us the power of misinterpretation and misperception, of which no one of this generation is being able to overcome but trying to hang it off decades and decades ago. A state of conflict within itself, lose of self discipline and confident before we mourn to this rigidity and to make start over once again a new beginning over the inconsistent variable that the time posses, over grief and sorrows toward the thin blues where a massive power of ingredients help us with ease to chill out and beyond the materialistic faith of the human eye towards the world of new gens where a world so called is lying beneath us and we are hanging and leaning in the atmospheric pressure of light and floating in the air for a sun bath. How could one easily imagine and float in the oceans of dreams none of one coming true, but I do. No, I don’t like to be hung up like a patriot in lousy air with a noose in my head for what called freedom or neither I liked to be shot dead in the battle field of blame game incorporated in every human brains of this decade, passing and devastating every soul and brains of the timid un-sculptured to rotten thoughts. Rather I would like to fill it and mend it with scruple over disbeliefs and agony. Far among the thousand betrayals I would like to be one man standing rather supporting those rotten pigs with conservative morals and lousy characters.

Looking at the past time memories an odd shaped circumstance was always hysterically bound by shyness inside me and lack of ability to do the things right. And the time always played a bounder role in every stage passed thorough. Let’s put the nastiness of the time apart. There was always stronger and truer will to do something, always haunting my lively rhapsody each day but I couldn’t put a foundation stone or build a milestone to start it now or then. Don’t know from where I should start my walk through and inclined time toward sufficiency rather than praying in vague to so called lord and have nothing at all rather than sense of peace with in. So, it may be the reason why I have lost faith on god for gifting some treasury and started praying only for peace and soundness of mind. At least some time when enormous pressure and tension trying to bust out off my head like an erupting volcano I think of god and devote some time to be lost within and that’s the time when god supports me to forget all the things and have a soundness of mind until I’m out to the human world.

Some time I think to myself what if? The deep rooted hunger just faded away, and all that remain is dark and asylum where a little bit haste in the tranquility corner of the upper limb remains undone and unclassified, like the thoughts ongoing throughout the velvet mind, running pompous throughout the veins and dazzling out with every coldness, that broke out a malice care and uneven tragedies I have proceeded. It brings tear to my eyes at the remains of the days and I lock myself inside those doors, where I screamed for the death of love within the broken ribs, and all those scattered dreams piled up in the empty shadows. Like transparent mirror fallen, broken, twisted and contaminated with the reign of lies and betrayal, where I stood like a porcelain, nothing I can do but only mourn, remaining silent and null toward every step of destined uncertainties. What if? The morning sun brings the light but cannot feed my inner want of delight with its charm. Those rays simply loot my will for existence and vanish me, turn me into the ashes made up rot and useless bones made for nothing. Make me play every inch till the bottom line pulling, dragging and taking me to insanity. Merciless at every drunken path of hysteria where I thought of being abused, and love as it seemed so purest, hindering me and taking benefit to quench its thirst. Permanently making me sick and thirsty at every stage of cyclic immunity and memories as it seemed bad, diffusing my central nervous system and developing a stronger will and never ending bond for eternity, forgetting all the desire for materialistic faith I’m striving toward a beautiful sin called nirvana. But beneath every pros and cons of the timidity and timeliness I can see a ray, “a ray of hope” on the eyes that are simply waiting and waiting, don’t know till when and fighting over every circumstance, to see a win-win, to betray dark and flourish the upcoming generations in endless and immortal light. As I see some of those eyes, a sort of disbeliefs arise on my mind latterly overcome by a sense of motherly care of the nature, spreading my wind grabbing the coldness inside I thought of care that I deserved which is my right, I float over and over, again and again in those oceans of nirvana in those blue haze under which I forgive all those sins and all the maliceity care, I forget all the betrays and loss I suffered. Gazing in the blue I walk through storms and rains I pass by, thinking of it I cross by and by, every night I dream the course on. Every night the dreams that diversifies me with the greatest bonding with the greatest nature that raised me like a tenant, taught me like a refugee and holds me like never letting me go far, so far away from its motherly care. And every time my dreams are connected with the unsatisfied learning of human meanness toward the grateful nature meekness and every time I dream the devastating human cruelty over the great natural sovereignty, every time I dream of punishment of nature informs of natural calamities. Every night I dream……………………….

A restless to resistance and carrying on every days coordinated by the faith and virtue, once I walked through the fairies of all and fallen with massive pressure of those who wanted to with-stand in the same roof, tiled up and entitling with the same honor for practice and judgment, as I thought of being incapable of gaining the same illusory power segmented throughout my whole body. The will to fame game for the existence with the flame of literacy by indulging into every pass by, with a striving will toward the unknown and uncertain world of dart for the passage of speed to be a dark horse. The way is still longer to get through it in an instant and if maturity brought fuzzy content to be enrolled in this course of action, the longer the fate of predominance will be hitting over and over my consciousness.

A drama has been just led and still it is to be played for everyday existence, time to time something is messed to be carried out and every time the central hemisphere of the human brain is scratched hard and hard till any out- let for survival is not stroked out. As time pass and pass, every day the new, everyday very few and every day heart with dew, don’t know when existence light sparkled and faced its end, facing the death with cowardice heart.

Every morning I wake up like a character of a role playing and acting like a passionate actor for the endangering existence to life but every day I’m turned by the pages and scripts that the life is build up. Smoothly every time I try to organize each pavement of the walk I’m indulged with, trying to catch a rose every time I come to catch thorns located just beneath. As a childish play a walk through the dreams resulted of infancy and every time when I’m out the thoughts stung me, make me unconscious and I fall apart, torn and tear as I fall down and down, with every tide I’m up-thrusting and playing and every time I’m pouring and sobering, till each cells within the soul breaks and till every blood vessels inside bust making me bleed and every time I see time is teasing and playing with me mercilessly.

Eye witnessing the greatest nature fall, the heart beholds for the happiness. Same is the case regulated for every creature in this world and same as I do. Being touched by the infancy just, no one knows when one day we’ll be bald but we remain still counting the days to come, knowing that time will fly in an instant and no one can catch the time. May be it’s the human nature and may be human was made for counting days because human and only human word has full stop, it is easy to quit but it is hard to carry on. It is pretty easy to admire the natural scenarioty but it is hard to learn from it, the human don’t want to learn it because it may be lack of consistency that prohibits or lack of will power to face it.

Sometime when I stood on the shoreline of the river, I feel a cold tide flowing ups and downs on the purified base of death and existence where enormous captivity of bloodstream flowing pompously within my cell lines with-draws the senesces of insecurity, and the instinct plays a vital role over all the thoughts beholding within the senesces corner lost. I’m drown with the ever-lasting flow of tides that I see gazing far beyond the horizon it touches and dazzled by the insight within the cold waves and cold drops. I come to see my past with its flow where various bitter truths exist over the happy moment of times and I couldn’t stop shivering on the thoughts where emptiness and loneliness are used to friend of life. Looking tediously on the picture of the past, somewhere beneath those circles of joys I provoke always a lie, coldness and downfalls and mass regrets within the narrowness of heart where tear used to be the never lasting games.

Within the empty vessel of ribs line, innocence over rule and makes the face of grief with every passage of tingling thoughts where a child is suffocated by the outdoors and merciless cruelty hits him again and again with every sober touch. Being at the infancy and lonesome at every path of the head, a child reaches out to touch the handsomeness of life and playing out door games is as simple as feeding the empty belly with food in front. Nevertheless the case is never simple as it looks and within the outdoor something unbearable but unreachable always exist. Passing through those corners and infant can’t ever control the feels that it may seem to be the happiest is the darkest point that are overruling beside that happiness. It not only ruins the blood vessels but also detriments every veins and tissues. Same is the case here, with just touched infancy; I don’t know when I started lighting on the cigarette puffs, and with every passage of its use, blowing the medicines and intoxicant is just as simple like playing something of hobby. With every passage of drunken paths of this history I fear of going nowhere but simply residing within the mass of nothing and ruining every vessel with hallucination and lunacy. Slowly it becomes the habit and never looking at the face of time I’m within its deep virtue.

Slowly and steadily I’m within its strong hand and can’t even show enough courage to make a move to be out of it, I’m just trembling within its harsh grip and taking over it again and again unless the smoke make a cloud deep inside and I’m drown of the unknown fever of some kind but every time I feel like I’m flying over the dusk and every time it drains me into a empty vessels filled with hollowness, I prayed every time if life is always like that then, Ah! What a beautiful world would it be? Within the over-dosed mind, but simply quitting it after once making a good grab and standing in it with deep rooted hunger of intoxicant is never a simple case, I tried to leave it many times and catch it sooner after I quit but finally with my mothers and fathers blessing hands I came out of it and the days I started thinking about my future, a strive toward a outlet, a journey for unfinished destiny started and now I’m here out of its touch……….

It is some kind of Feb night I think, I was standing in my roof inhaling enough air to breathe and removing all suffocations with in my mind, then I came to see the stars just above my head but there was absence of moon, I don’t know then how some kind of betrayal, some kind of emotional insecurity disheartened my mind and I started to cry alone in that night thinking about it over again and again. The picture of her was so closer every time I poured the vagueness with the feel of null, standing on an edge of life, I haven’t ever started. The bitterness was so overwhelmingly conquering whole over my body and soul that simply I wanted to forget it but I’m falling even deeper and deeper within the pond of misery and grief; the way she rejected me I can never ever love anyone but I couldn’t share this things to my worshipper, so I just played within the heart but never found an outlet.

The gestures that have been followed till now and couldn’t see the divinity each time, I tried to walk and walk. Don’t know what eyes were expecting till then but every time either for romance or either for fun I’ve been heading always with the same old pain hiding each time but filling up teeth with unknown smile, the time gave me lot more than I expect and each time I was tangling in the same worldly affairs of lies that virtual heart used to enjoy. The life path wasn’t simply the fun, and enjoying in the pain was a brave game but with a broken symphony inside the hidden smile was always provoking loud and loud that every time when a smile poured, every time eyes were closed and every time I cry inside loud and loud and loud. But time is so powerful and soon after it I recovered from it, I had to live, live for better, aim high and achieve a standard for my mother sake, for my father, for all who loves me and finally for myself. And then I saw a ray of hope;

It only can dig the misery deep inside me,
But happiness is blowing simply out
And for its pursuit I have to run
To carry on life, to carry on faith,
To carry on living for the god’s sake
To strive for a new,
A new world I think for another chance,
A new beginning for a new start point
A new mountain peak to set a height,
A new sun for a new dawn,
To flourish a pigmented blues over a vast sky,
To pierce the dark with rays and light,
New overall again those roses and thrones,
I learned that this is how life always runs.

Like every morning there was sun and waking in its presence is somewhat I learnt from the walk I passed, with in the thunders and the rains of so called life and in the harsh time I learned to smile, slowly, steadily I think I’ve grown up to think and differentiate between good and bad, true and false. Every time a new philosophy to life is led and every time the observing eye was new. A cruelty was overcome by the time spent and never mind how vicious time passed in learning phase, there was no time left for me to cry for some kind of loss and no teeth were poured or filled by the gains of life, what comes in will be gone and what were catched will be thrown just like a behavior of mine in the past. The insightness with a lapse of time have procured my responsibility toward time but the case is vastly difference with a new thoughts, a positive one every time, filled with ecstasy to see happiness that blows in common sense rather than any materialistic and physical touchability notes. Every time with a greater sense in life and way to head with a monotonous philosophy was trying to undermine me into a grave of sorriest and within the congested corners of broken limbs the soreness was haunting and nibbling me, dragging upside down every time I tried to find being rescued inside, I pity fall but a will determined and prescribed latterly helped me succeeding it in greater response. A new knowledge was led and I simply didn’t remain I but a new theory had begun, I was a part of nature and its belongings, a generation of life had been commenced where I learned to walk hand in hand and make a beat purest of all, a new melody was spreading and I’m lost with the rings of thoughts, the lyrics was same old but the compositions was new, the beats were of same kind but the music was new. Every time it was a new

I stood before the light and it absorbed my dew,
I was worshipping the old tracks but it showed me new,
Every time I walked and it showed me the ray,
The fallen shadows is longing now to aim its way
Everything expect very few,
The same sunshine but as bright as blue,
The new life song and the new crew,
The wholesomeness of heart to draw a line
The broken symphony has commenced once again
And now the heart is fine…………………………………

Finally breaking out of the anguish cry heart is striving for new commencement but still the mind is so unclear that how much it is needed to walk to reach its beginning way, at least a start point to walk on and the eye to tag the target. Still the heart full of dilemma pinched every night and every night I try to sort out a beginning to start-over again. For what we called new beginning again. This is a journey never stopping one. I can’t focus where it ends neither can I focus the starting place but this will not end here and I have to strive toward the colors spread. The journal it will be started again when life script is seen and I have to wait for it. It was always a pleasure every way walked despite of inconsistencies and odds in the way of my journey toward life and walking in the future is always a beautiful and joyful. I will start it over again and again in the days to come when I see the colors patterns spreading for me……….

PART 2
With an early worship for the time remaining and after a cold night stay in the upper heart suffering, a new path in inconsistent mass, new way synchronization and a way to be out from the unknown variable, a journey that never limits the movement but future is always hiding and flourished vista that is visible never came true in return. A painted kingdom of dreamland and lack of visible quantity, a pace toward the availability but nothing to die for in accomplishment, a way to be seek out but don’t know where every passage leads us and a sleep we are indulged in not knowing where the dream end and we are back in the initial phase of life. What we called a new beginning and a new world a new place to live again dreaming the same fantasy among the unknown and dreaming again the creation of a new world, new barriers and new accomplishment.

Standing in front in meadow where sun is just above our head and our body stand still hiding the shadows within it. But slowly as the time starts moving we totally differ our direction, shadows just keep on gazing the ground where our soul try to reach the high altitude world of various feet height and until the darkness it tries to prove this world, its superiority among them and within the darkness it falls again prevailing hunger for the next day birth to prove it sole remaining within this surrounded universe. And it always it carries a virtue of do and die until the last days bye and again in another corner a next gens take place in the form of a child, running again and again, turning every passage of life and lastly again it falls with another crawl in the other side.

"Enlight my soul desire"

I'm walking with pain in an boulevard
drawing an arc in a sea shore
mending a broken pain inside
cleaning the nuisance that was thrown
In a art that was drawn by the hands fallen in war
In a gallery of procrastinated spouse
called as immature an miniature one
treated as rusted fellow in a mass of lame
With the heart of concrete and dust to swallow
Lights hide through the eyes
Insufficiency prevails rounding my heart
Disturbed for the passage I've roamed alone
And it's a psychic experience I've been holding on
It's a passage back I'm seeking on
I'm lost, light my soul desire now
bring those infancy again in me
I'm deprived of what is real
shrinking down in an ark of fantasy
I'm lost light my soul's desire
get me out of this prudence darkness enriching here
I'm tired of those preached philosophy
save me save from this lunatic atmosphere
I don't know where I'm lost
light my soul desire again in me

Turn my ways to history
and allow me to reconcile what I've done
I'm left here alone to mime
Being disguised with the chance I've over-thrown
Letting obsolete feels round my empty soul
Flipping in the edge of hollowed dream
fatalistic by the wound pampered
in a hole of drilled hope
crooked in a cell to reach nowhere
begging for mercy as it is swallowing down
the presence of high altitude world
but where is that beach I'm awaiting
a place where i sunbathed in
played a foolish game where i was betrayed
in a mess of reaching top
I'm lost, light my soul desire now
bring those infancy again in me
I'm deprived of what is real
shrinking down in an ark of fantasy
I'm lost light my soul's desire
get me out of this prudence darkness enriching here
I'm tired of those preached philosophy
save me save me from this lunatic atmosphere
I don't know where i'm lost
light my soul desire again in me

"My Silence"

I'm away from the talks we used share
I'm far now and its my truth
The days indulged in smiles and laughter
And same it echoes somewhere deep inside me
Somewhere we used to be part of it
But now single me

I'm out of a hangover of pretending
I know i can never be fulfilled
The pain still breaks me down
And sometimes it aches somewhere deep inside me
Sometime we used to share along
But now single me

My silence is provoking in empty space
Somewhere inside the congested place
But listening deep is impossible to you
Vibration I made was easy to hear
But can you read my heart beat?
The eyes are trembling to trace your way
And still in silence I made a call
Waiting in same corridor
Can you listen my call?
I'm still waiting for you.........

"I heard the voice of inner-self"

The night remained freezing cold with blockage of light
the dark ruined all the images of history
trying to recall the same old pain inside of me
I forget the past aching somewhere deep
the one that conciseness wanna erase
the same guilt that hallucinates
roaming over the truth and facts

Here starts a new game now
those consoling corners
comes over again and again in front of me
trying to manipulate the facts
what i thought was to be real
those world of me and my fantasy
everything crooked and everything rot
patience was never for something what I call
a world to chain in my heart desire

And another withdrawn notes overturned
overthrown again and again for a endless time
a try to procure all those hasty effects
seen through an infant eyes
in a try to make this world a better place for living
for another sacrifice
a end of rounding corners
where life end the line

I heard a voice of inner-self
trying to reconcile those rusty image
what i had and what i lost
for what i had thought to
what i am holding on now.....