Thoughts World

Feelings of lonliness

2011-08-02T05:35:00.000-07:00

Yes those stars shine
sparkling bright in utmost horizon
And indeed birds are seen in the sky
wavering those misty clouds
the moon is in the same place
and so is the burning of sun
the slowing down process of ticking clocks
and easy rotating hands of time
Year passes, same as a day
no single soul to lean on
the meekness that has been uprooted
deepen down is just a cry
Isolated in the hunger and thirst
waiting for the rainy day
the patting sound of those falls
hitting hard in the inner coast
Time it flies, time its hard
and each days of lonliness stricking my mind
Noone to walk with, none to talk
same monotonus lonesome life
and these feelings of blues
the sound of symphony mourning
like an heart beat
those beeps dazzels echoing inside
the context life line reads
is all over turned here
the pages and scripts are all mimicry
nothing mine to show on
the timeless journey of an empty hand
crusified will to stand in this city for long
emptied are all picture drawn
emptiness it reflects no color thrown

I wonder why

2011-08-02T05:33:00.000-07:00

Its easy to carry out life
stuck in the same position
Standing still and looking at the horizon
The unclassified boundaries
The vista that is overwhelmed when
the morning rays by passes
and sun is over turned
the crystal clear sky
suddenly starts turning red
and forbidden line of darkness
again occupies the workspace
Turning every objects black
and in the twilight only there is hope

There is incompetency and lack of strength
Those arms are weak to push to and fro
The ongoing life as it appears
Moving every objects but not old pain
Hyms that is provoked and taught
Preached every level of thoughts
Occupied every space and judgement is done
Confusion at every steps with no steering to turn

I wonder why
This boundary was made
Every stages of delusion
for orginality to fade
Sick of life, breath and death
Sick of god that was made
Those bridges, those walls and those gaps
those impunity deeds of foolish man
I wonder this life meant
the meaning, the purpose
I wonder why I wonder why.....

Forgiveness by, Barry Maltese

2011-05-26T08:10:00.000-07:00

If you look inside of your heart,

you can find forgiveness or at least the start

And from that place where you can forgive

is where Hope, and Love, also thrive and live

And with each step that you try to take

and with that chance that your heart might break

Comes so much happiness, and so much strength

which Alone can carry you a fantastic length

For hate and anger will not get you there

and though you say that you just don't care

You can EASILY avoid the pain on which hate feeds

...the kind of pain that no one needs

Just make the move, take the first stride let go of the thing known as "Foolish Pride"

Maybe then you can start to repair the past

into something strong, that will mend, and last!

(c) Barry S. Maltese2000

Funeral Blues by W.H. Auden

2011-05-25T07:21:00.000-07:00

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good

Time Cafe

2011-03-22T11:04:00.000-07:00

Walking in the shore of presence, flower blossoms spreading positive smile in the beholder face. Rose being the almighty one, always preferable and always charming, we never could get the hold of the beholder eyes. We blossom outside of this world and hence we are called wild. Spreading our petals in the glowing sun we transferred the colour of sun into us and we are all yellowed. Rising with the hunger for self esteem we provoke our song in the wind and it blows so swift and take it to the beholder ears, yet we are not recognised. Swiftly as our petals falls and turns into the ground, the fluffy white seed grows and yet wind becomes the means of transporter, we fly high in the sky, we don’t know the boundary line, we travel with the time, and there is no destiny to touch the line. The journey that resulted without any choice of the beholder that may want to feel, that may try to keep us into the heart for our meaning of existence, none there is all selfishness raised into this world. Indeed everyone is derived by their own motives and so are we. We are dandelions.
But, still there used to be something listening to us and smiling at the broad-mindedness of our head. It is that, place where we poured the ultimate smiles and a place where we nullified every indulging affairs of mankind. Far away in a city of ancient talks, in the city of superstitious beliefs and horrific war of blame-game taking over every field, in those streets of burning violence there is existence of Time Cafe uniting us. It’s far in that place where sun shines and brings my friend near; it’s far in ultimate distance. There is still some sitting together out there in that place, but my courage to leave life aside and go out there to meet them is just imaginary.
We talked about fantasies and dreams, we talked about the nightmare life could be. We talked about steps and our plan. Then we thank to god that this Time Cafe ever withstands eye-witnessing the time. It was judging us from then to now remaining mere silent at each talk. And those teas of Time Cafe will still be glorious in future if we outstands the fight of life, fighting for pride. Now time is a gap and our ways has been separated to distant. The time cafe will always be witnessing us, ‘The poor boys’ the time has once given birth. Born on illusion of material cares world was moving by and we were stuck, sipping the glass full of teas and various cigarette puffs. Standing on the doorway and catching some chairs, smiling from heart and carrying no fears, we passed the days turned into years and Time Cafe was always listening to us without raising its voice.
It is indeed the time cafe where youth thought matured with time. The smoke puffs and sipping of tea for the world to see was just a virtual side of our life. With every smoke puffs, we shared the knowledge of each other’s mind, we shared what world consist and how we are going to be living by. Every sip of tea build base for our needs to strive toward and we were starving to know what our life holds. We don’t used to have any aim- no we don’t, neither we cared about any world where money and needs to be superior to other ever mattered. We were pure, just as much pure as water can be. The thought of being ever united linked us together and we developed the bondage that was rare.
Simply being at the infancy and hobnobbing many works and watching the pace of the solitude world passing by. Laughing at the craziness one can be for their will of existence. Running, running at full pace trying to catch the time and still they are running trying to find life. Watching the loneliness the earth holds without the time to share and laugh and we far from every creatures having plenty time giggling, pampering and sharing every matters we could ever share. I know Time Cafe is still holding our laughs and within the walls of Time Cafe our smile is still echoing and certainly it will be echoed till the eternity. And within the hearts of those by passers, the presence of the hooligans image may be still lingering and they may be wondering where all the laughter and big noise are gone, where life has faded their presence within the time, how silence knocked the Time Cafe door, how can there be no welcoming smiles once bunch of hooligans used to roar.
Longing on to those days where world was a beautiful place to live by, longing to those smiles of every well wisher of Time Cafe coming by. The age hath of time has lost the grip and time slipped us into reality, where world is a battle field. Longing to the Time cafe that build maturity, the smiles of those time will forever be residing in our heart and so will be the Time cafe existence, teaching the way to maturity to each youthful soul. Teaching how to smile and the way to joy, building the courage to set time aside and revaluate the beauty that life consist. Evaluating the inner self and giving time to self-realize before the final step toward the outside door and again Time Cafe will be in the memories of another soul.

Tear in her grace

2010-09-06T21:00:00.000-07:00

As simple it stood
The meaning of smile
The meaning of Happiness
The meaning of life
And her Grace,
Her aptitude of buying me life
To enchanter my own lips
The serenity that she beholds
And me surrounding in peace
A grace that I can never forget
And from her eyes
when tear rolls down
It tears me apart
Tearing my heart down
As it flow pompously
In my breathe
And her eyes shows me
every pictures that reflects
Her memory of my every phase
A childhood to now me
Every single understanding
She offered me
To understand the meaning of life
To understand the meaning of smiles
To make me understand what happiness means
In her grace I'm flowing now
A sudden struck
of my own tears rolling down
In her memory in her grace
For the reason she uplifted
For the reason she cared
For the reason she walked with me
And it can only be she
Who can offer me this
To develop my eye
and enhance the visibility
To choose right and wrong
on the way we heed
She is treasury on the
moment of my life
Non such precious than she
Lord gifted me

24

2010-08-16T21:13:00.000-07:00

I loose direction
well help me be me here
Strong will of determination
to change the history repeating times
I may loose my eye for insight
Dreams may abstract my accuracy judgment
I'm never giving up,
I'm never giving up my try
Where twenty four hopes build my way
With Twenty four chances of betrayal
with every hours of life
Twenty four word of lies
to adjust twenty four relation
Twenty four wills to accomplish
twenty four jobs
And it's everyday
twenty four hours moving on

Those thoughts of obsolescence
Where pride became the hunger
Night was drowned
in the self esteem to resist on
I'm never giving up
I'm never giving up try
Where twenty four will of mankind is buried
Under the twenty four hours of time passing down
With twenty four passage to succeed and
Twenty four game of failures ends the line
Probability of twenty four short fall to over come
And Twenty four chances of betrayal 24/7 life
Twenty four word of lies to adjust twenty four relation
To give birth for twenty four new thoughts
And everyday Its twenty four hour moving on

Twenty four hopes to build my way
With Twenty four chances of betrayal
with every hours of life
Twenty four word of lies
to adjust twenty four relation
Twenty four wills
to accomplish twenty four jobs
And everyday It's twenty four hour moving on
I'm never giving up,
I'm never giving up my try

"Karma"

2010-08-10T20:43:00.000-07:00

Smile is the simplest form of greeting
if you can't smile you are not living
worries that you take and worry that you make
world ends in a peace so what will you take
fistful of soil and soul transformation
where will you search your soul?
Everyday is new every time
so be responsible for what you did
what action you had taken
to accomplish your deeds
life's about forgiving
so ease your past
make a way to right move now
for a future comeback
speak the truth that eases your karma
what goes by now meets you around
learn from nature what's destiny about
life is a journey brightened your mind
smile like a rainbow sparkling bright
it meets a sun inside your inner core
smile to those hurts you were laid
and let karma decides what destiny you posses

"Await of nightmare"

2010-07-04T20:35:00.000-07:00

The world is changing
open your eyes
see the rainbow
that's fallen from the sky
the air that blows
and rains they sing
those plants those trees
those fishes in the oceans swim

Through the blue bay
that stops in horizon touch
and that sky kissing
the mountain tops
the new sunshine
cheering the heart
the nature fall beholding
the wholesomeness precise

But we dragged the night
begging for mercy
and the eyes are blinded
by the change to see
the melting of ice cubes
in the burning rays
the changing of earth
with lack of ozone sphere

The spreading of pollutes
in the way we heed
the changing of air
hard to breathe
the gardening of bottom
with savages and rots
the missing of swims
by nitric flush

The disruption in Eco
with destruction of trees
the O2 is lacking against
the whole we live
the endangered in life pattern
of every species
life cycle are messed
with changing diversity

The ending is appearing
as a twisted tragedy
walking pace is swollen
in unhygienic affairs
what death are we waiting for?
when life is hampered
by the changes taking place here

"War storm"

2010-06-16T19:58:00.000-07:00

Pasture green field transformed black
heavy flow of erupting hot and red
hurt trading mind nuisance
booing mouth opened wide,
Exhausted! the dark circled eyes
Exhausted! of watching sunbeams
landscape of tear driven eye lashes
covered with uncertain circumstances
Existence! never will it be again

Fear! a cold blood
mourning! a blue feel
heart frozen like snow
hard! but still life in it
a hope for re transformation
simultaneous it blows
continuity without any sound
thundering without any voice
red plated! never will it flow again

still it does cry
into those blossom
death it smells
mortality over the choice of resistance
lingering over the waves
a storm that blown away
and it brought ultimate rain
black sky raining red
flooding dragged! never it return back again

sipping tea
with eyes on news
focused! total numbness
without any ease
the presence of mind, disgraceful!
aint able to hold that cups for long
the handle just lost the grip
crashed! on to those ground
scattered! stripped in red
buzzing cry left over
the heart penetration
blown out homes in war storm
warmonger! your fight is over now
death stated! never it blossomed again

What happens Next?!!

2010-06-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

The wind hounded
like a killer beast
lightning piercing
the cloud so thick
rain it appeared
and blown away
the darkness awaiting
to grab the space
fierce wind
fallen down
there's a hunter
searching now
predators roaming
out those streets
wolves and lions
screaming and roaring
those rotten pigs
thirsty of blood
cloned in human face
what nightmare
they will bring again
!!!!

Those concrete voices

2010-05-30T20:16:00.000-07:00

Cemented colony separated distance
fine terrace blocked down view
hammered wood crafts laid souls
an empty space nothing that sounds
not even a single one visited
neither there are any smiles that flies
only emptiness prevails rounding there
and silence spread-ed to miles

The rashes of time slap buzzing
while division bell tolled a standstill point
hard ingrained swelling down
the utmost hurts of gust line
unclear beams perfect blinked
the twilight from the old lamp rays
the shadow of old trees
the stoppage of time
in those cemented graves

A illuminating eye awaits for re-existence
to re-smile in re-visit of some known faces
to re-transform from soil to soul
to be worth while
to re-magnify the focus
before it finally ends the visibility
to hear a recall of voice
to re-chanter with names again
to recollect strength to re-walk
follow the traces of time
buried inside is a dream
a hope that worth nothing
and a fallen voice is asleep
within those concrete slabs of cements and bricks

"Cigar"

2010-05-22T20:01:00.000-07:00

Awakened in the dusky rays
he swallowed his blind sight
nuclear rigidity and explosive trial
memory expanded burning a pictorial tribe
he walked slowly to pass those quantum
seeking those burnt footsteps
he never could forget those echoed voice
inside those tunnels of darkness
after all those invaded smokey journey
lying down waiting for coffin
trying to take a noose of the air
floating and trying to comeback
and his smokey eyes witnessed a cry
death what else can rejoice his august mind
from the fear of loosing everything
but not your smell on me
cigar! its you awaiting in solitude
lingering in my dead soul
and from the tip of your thrown parts
there was a bombardment causing massacre
cigar! its the smoke chain going round
lieutenant general coughing inside those coffin
laughing anti-force at the death
winning matters in his war head
Cigar! shouts the general inside those coffin
Navy toasted a peg of wine
lieutenant buried into those graves
I don't have to kill no more time
cigar! it's you who freed me to limit
I am flying like a smoke chains coming out of you

It's All No Way To Peace

2010-05-16T22:08:00.000-07:00

Dozen wings of smile
I was never able to see
Lost in those heart regrets
It was never me
Hunger greed asylum into those head
Jealousy burning the homo-sapien world down
Lust and conspiracy
It's how there world is moving around

Lamer betrayed the knitted flags
Land disguised
A prudery of lust and rage
Divided into multiple pieces
A broken meadow in the middle of time
horizon traced the unstopping vomit-age of blood
A evil ruled over again
manifesting the innocent mind

Begun the consequences
conquering the supernova world
galaxies of dreamy eyes
transformed into black hole
Shattered! life's a duty carry on
inhaling the death fragrance
Blossoming the captivity of lost will power
into the heart filled rage

life path goes on by
looking to those cold frown smiles of time
the burnt stock of masses
to the blown up ashes of mankind
the division bell tolls
the longevity of broken lines
nature by passes heart breaks again
endorsing war to longing line

Death freezes time renewal
the sour aches of scars and blame to the other side
the conspired rage hits again and again
that's how the world is moving round

The Final Goodbye

2010-05-16T21:35:00.000-07:00

Smiling lines of words
Soaked all my tears down
Empty heart memories
turned out nothing right for me
Tear! it never resulted
from the point of blame
All i was loosing my strength
to carry on life without you

A cold hand waving
And my earth is in stand still
Words! never able to make
This heart feel fine
After all of those promising days together
Your tear always valued a lot to me
Truth and reality of this life
Built a bridge for separation
A heart ache to bring shower
And The hands of rare some one waving good bye

But you know something
It's really hard to carry on
to live the rest of your life
with that single goodbye
There may be still unfinished chores to complete
Still there may be many things to be settled between we
before the fall of those dreams
And shedding it from the eyes
before by passing that final goodbye

Tear

2010-04-30T21:54:00.000-07:00

long lost gone
long lost waved
silver pattern line
long lost escaped,
hidden healed scars
hidden healed sore
fallen salty rain
hidden healed drained,
pass down poured
pass down tored
empty pictures remains
passed down door,
long live joy
long live smiles
without those tears
longevity your life line...

"triggered humanity"

2010-04-14T20:57:00.000-07:00

Savaged untouched minor and miniature one
Homeless orphanage disable and unsound
where it happened to be lost
It searched everywhere to find its ground
lust rage and dependency
one stood up renting mortality
burning road and violence paid
cold blood and traded death
Hidden mystery and mysterious eyes
unequipped retinas to focus right
where it happened to be gone
It's lost leaving insomniac
Cloned human face hounds a conspiracy
Burying a real world down
hunger triggers humanity
onto those grounds of greed and pains

"Looking myself"

2010-04-03T21:13:00.000-07:00

I see a guy just like me
he smiles when I smile
and when i cry he cries along with me
the path we are longing is equal every time
but sensational touch we are obliged
and we sense is just a feel
we don't know among us which one is real

We are the friends from childhood phase
we every time passed the same stage
when i was upset it was too
i could tell this when i see its face
but the distance we maintained could never collide
and between two of us was forever a space
we couldn't talk with each other in fact
neither we have ever made a handshake
still we were closer together
with the same heart beat we both respire

Continiousy we met then and now
and silence provokes in between us to speak
but still we were best friend together
we separate every time with smile before we leave
I tease it sometime and it respond the same totally
We two were inseparable like the shadow and soul
and every time we look each other we were the same
but actually we two have never asked each other name

Our bonding was so pure every time
for both of us we were always the same
both of us knew that we were made for each other shake
we two could predict easily each other how much we change
in fact we two knew that we'll die in same date
when I'll be falling eyes to close
his eyes will be blackened in darkness too
our memorial estate will collapse when
time range of significance affects our livelihood
sitting in-front of mirror and looking myself
drowning in the thoughts how similar we were

"Few words to reconcile"

2010-03-18T03:01:00.000-07:00

There always stands a difference between
what we wish and what is happening
what we dreamed and what is reality
An answer never found for prudence sorrow enriching inside
Neither is the way sort out to heal this revolving pain
the vitality of walk that consumes hunger to bury our soul
Nothing last for ever there is dead end to every role
a substance to pacify this ever lasting game
every wound has a scars remained that hurts utmost everywhere
so derive me a name
derive me a name so i can last my tears behind your breathe
hiding my lacking beside every steps you take
or lets stop this pretending
a world awaits you what you had been for seeing
its a path i have to carry on despite you not being near
life shatters like winter flowers
but i have an will to blossom again drinking those tear
oh! crazy monsoon is pouring down on me
you keep on smiling with new grown peer
smile like sunshine burning me down
this crazy monsoon will keep me alive

There is always difference between
what we tried and what we had
what we assumed with silence busting eyes
rarely we hallucinates for the drama that is laid
its a fatigue touch of love that has ended
a sunbeam procrastinate vanity as life goes by
all those scattered dreams will someday reunite
the piled of hopes of fallen fantasy no more wonders me
but you have been engaged in momentum ecstasy
its my await for a new spring moves
a will to sparkle from doomed fallacy
oh! crazy monsoon is pouring down on me
you keep on smiling with new grown peer
smile like sunshine burning me down
this crazy monsoon will keep me alive

I'm happy

2010-02-20T20:06:00.000-08:00

I'm happy to be free
I'm happy for she
I'm happy for there remained nothing between we
And I'm happy for our way will never meet
The script drawn is finally blanked
And it remained no pages to be overturned
Our journey what started with unknown beginning
Now lacks surface to float in circumstance
And time demanded a separation point
Its the dead end now with no visible crossing line
I'm happy to be free.

Those images that our walked had traced
Will no more be lingering around my head
Dreams end with every morning show
For sure there will be a new role
With a new script of life
A new play that faith designs
I'm happy for a broken dreams
I'm happy for this tragedy
I'm happy my eyes opened finally
I'm happy she gets what she needs
A lost path is my misery
But I'll never let anyone to see it
I'm longing on my own way now
And I'm happy to be free.

Dedicated to all my friends....

2010-01-23T21:46:00.000-08:00

There are some things I must say.....
When the lights of earth approaches your sight
Open your eyes to judge the view
Don’t be scared to see the colors spread
We never know when our eyes contrast
‘And god forbids’
If someday it is blackened in dark

There are some things we must realise....
Even the darkest night is formed within
It’s about the eye mirage not opening to see
The rays followed within the deep misery
And we are in-deep never letting time to forget it
‘And god forbids’
If someday it is blackened dark inside the heart

There are some things we’ve got to left it...
The colors are designed as it should be
The happiness lies in pursuing it
The fake desire what we dream
May obsessed a downfall pondering
‘And god forbids’
If someday it is blackened dark inside the heart
Despite of the memories we have to climb on and on

There are some things we need to mesmerize..
Within the blue sky of the horizon touch
The life is longing on without knowing full-stop
The path we accrued and post-determined
We came to know life is never tear or smile
And if someday the path is longing to be far away
We’ll be together with some kind of means
If I miss you and wanting you to talk with
But the time played a gap to hear your voice
‘And god forbids’
If someday the voice is fallen
With blackened dark of heart

There are some things I must say before a goodbye.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye.

"Saraswati Mantra"

2010-01-19T21:23:00.000-08:00

Hoping for Goddesses saraswati always reside in me, acknowledging me with her blessing and knowledge

"Yaa Kundendu Tushaara Haaradhavalaa, Yaa Shubhravastraavritha
Yaa Veenavara Dandamanditakara, Yaa Shwetha Padmaasana
Yaa Brahmaachyutha Shankara Prabhritibhir Devaisadaa Vanditha
Saa Maam Paatu Saraswati Bhagavatee Nihshesha Jaadyaapaha"

Meaning: Goddess Saraswati is fair and beautiful like the jasmine-colored moon. Her white garland resembles the icy dew drops. She is decked in pure white attire. A white lotus serves as the throne of Maa Saraswati, on whose arm rests Veena. We pray Maha Saraswati, who is surrounded and respected by the Gods to bestow her blessings on us. May the goddess remove our lethargy and brighten our life with light of knowledge.

"Invariable Constrain Inside O'Me"

2010-01-18T22:41:00.000-08:00

What is breaking out of me?
The body is stuck comparatively numb
What path I'm heading to?
Solitary anger crush my mind.

Where's been life heading?
I'm unknown when's life taking a turn!
I've been wondering where's me up to know?
Don't know what I am sowing now!!
Looking at the past eyes filled with guilt
Unconsciousness grasp my way to peek
Although I've left those roaming around
Same hallucination pierce my head

Where reaches the path I'm longing to?
I'm just passing to trace its way
Unknown of all worldly affairs
I'm running away from shadows to make a escape
Don't know what's good and bad but,
I'm trying to move faster and time is passing slow
I'm waiting for a call from god
To move back again the passage I crawled

Why sunshine sparkling in my windows,
Couldn't spread rays to enlighten my lonesome heart?
Where has all those laughter vanished out
Along with courage to carry out dutiful son
Don't know what's time expecting of me
I'm laming to sense its touch
Every moment I'm starving again
With the feels like these of broken heart

"Dream on"

2010-01-18T22:37:00.000-08:00

What if time suspends in pendulum
and earth stops rotating its way
the river starts flowing in anti direction
and mountain tops proclaiming its haze
toward the southern edge of destruction
and gravity lose its pace
onward the two pole collision of unhumble affairs
and the sky drops the blood
and land starts vomiting the rage
burning in isolated thirst of waves
and another earthquake loots again
within the guilt sound spread inside
morning visit of the wounded heart
visible within the surrounded darkness
the natural strikes of land and floods
drowned in the heart regrets
swallowing darkness in the caves of the heart desire
i dream as i go on
and until I'm burn
hollowing pillow i sleep on
dreaming the nightmare as i live on

Circles

2010-01-18T22:33:00.000-08:00

We'll be in a same side where-ever we be
I'll be burning like a fire and you'll be freezing in deep
If gotta chance to come on motion again
See my picture it will remind you a cold
A frozen heart that will never melt again
and once it beat with your name
But never now that's for truth

We'll be running in a same circle every then and now
We'll be running like a laser beams
If I died with your pictures in heart and soul
Your eyes will be reflecting it
The time we spent together will never be back
Never know what our destiny be
but every walk of down turn as we move
Always the heart be missing the love crushed deep

We are passing on a same tunnel again
My lights are ruined by the stoppage
and yours with never stopping downfall
The passage is so awkward here for me to walk
And you are lost in the memos ain't able to overcome
trying pushing hard to resist on where we are
we are passing on circles
we are moving on a same circles again

"Only for you my friends"

2010-01-18T22:30:00.000-08:00

Life will run a quasi flow
Thoughts will be the waves dragging you
There may be numbers of beach you pass
I'll be in one waiting you
to make a best part to make two
To add more and more to make group
then we will laugh together to the endless time
We will cherish the memo with pictures so fine
tides may procure and catch our hand
pulling us back to the place faith designed
time may cheats and hollow our mind
time becomes the space separating to miles
but our heart will turn again the pictures of past
and the moment will be cherished up to divinity times

Journal To Life

2010-01-18T10:34:00.000-08:00

There may be gap to fill, there may be struggle that we see, a dream never aimed will never be achieved but what need is consistency. Make a path to start a new, sun will heal the every drops of dew , flow like a lightning tearing the storm and always keep in mind there will always be an out-let for river to reach the sea.

To All my past memories that are blooming inside my heart and a deep regards to my Mom, Dad and My brothers for showing me the actual distinction between the colors spread throughout these universe.

Thank you
Nischal Raj Dawadi

Part 1

Every night I Dream (April 25th 2009)

The rain shaded the dust of leaves. The tallest mountain that may ever sparkle in the history is shining at the country side with this morning sun. Else it was very hard to make a glimpse of it, thanks to the rain that poured yesterday night. I stared at the roof top seen far across the other end, the dew drops were shining and catching my eyes and I was starting to feel some dizziness looking for it some while. The reflection was so strong that I wasn’t able to make the eye out of it. It was some kind of hypnotism work made out of me and I couldn’t get out of me. But it was just a feel. The last night rain was so heavy, I could tell it looking the water at every corners of the streets still searching the outlet to rush somewhere deep beneath. The shadow amounted to focus again by the burning sun and the corridor I’m having my morning tea is still wet, but sun shine still made it visible else dark always ruined my images. Glory that depends to be past was always eyeing me and my generation, but still walkover in the inconsistency made hard to predict the past. Was the fault dependent upon us or somewhere else that left us in it? I’m thinking over it every morning staring the green field and past haze was always revolving round the blood vessels I’m not able to share with anyone because past is always making guilt at us: the generation that belongs to nowhere but lost with time with a view to give something like a better place for living.

Don’t know how this kind of feel can be overcome but thinking it over again and again, I don’t think I can occupy or fill the spaces of heart over these things, and wash it through every veins of blood it may be flowing and taking me to insanity. I always feel like being abused if I’m deeper to it, so every time I listen to the heart full music to overcome this grief of dependence pain, I feel like being parasite sucking blood that flows beneath. Then I came to discover pinching every soul to the limit ain’t will be able to make me smile. So I thought of writing every points of life I passed through with a hope that I will be able to overcome this enormous pain. That’s how this journey to paint a boundary line with the colors of life started. I’m trying to draw it first but I know after its completion, it will be painted with beautiful words without differencing the linguistic character and the colors of race, no politics and no mind game. It will just be pure as sky and water and as pure as god and goodness if ever they exist in human mind and heart. Ok let’s start a beautiful journey of mixture of past and unknown future, one to one walk of lame toward a strength and courage to achieve and success. Hope you would like to flow in it.

Intoxicating in overwhelming excitement with a fear of death just after starting the countdown, I was hung up by a strong hand in the air to rectify was I all right or not? It was just an easy out way after the overdosing of mind at every corridor of unbearable uncertainties and lack of sense. The same indifference is still seen in my eyes, trying to sleep on mother’s lap once again as before, I feel like getting warmth above sun heat in my mother’s love, I can feel both thunder and rains she have passed before. She has reached here lately I can see it in her eyes. Thus, I liked to dedicate every melodies of my life to her for uplifting and nourishing me with her realistic and faithful determination and pigmented sensation. The boy like me haven’t ever confronted and dare to ask these things to my parents but the word was always truer and stronger inside my heart and it was always evolving like an echo evoked long years earlier but still it is ongoing and revolving inside every ribs of my broken heart, the sensation of pilgrimage and worship for them is irreplaceable but determined. The undermined future cannot even take a little bit from me and I’m glad to say it over again and again.

With every corners of life I’m heading this way, sometimes I think what if I’m porcelain, broken with every downfall into pieces in my own eyes. With massive raging fires of regrets to every way I followed and I’m followed by a misery of getting nowhere. Like a feel of being disabled to walk through the congested corners of mass, like physically awkward and lamer, like a parasitic through every branch of the steam sucking it to make a life going on. Every time a horrible affair of so called life is trying to ditch me every pavement I walk thorough, to consolidate me into a mass made of nothing and every time I fear of the unknown walls that is protecting me to go nowhere but stay as if I’m a null and every time the empty spaces spread through miles is filling inside me the sense of terrorism inside my heart. Don’t know what fear meant to be but still guess it is protection or lack of braveness to overcome! I think to myself with pouring eyes of every night where I sit beside to lean on dark, breath the rooted oxygen inhaling deep inside to throw out yap to everyone, See me! I’m still alive. I sit besides talking to air like an insane, I scream, I cry, I laugh loud! Oh! Very loud, does anyone listen to me; I mean it to everyone, to all so call a greatest creation in this earth. Can you see me or has your eyes lost the visibility to listen the insightness of heart? Would you ever recognize me or will you die without my recognition? Guess who is inside your deep rooted soul; guess it till you make it right. Keep on guessing.

An early zest with a morning sun, don’t know from where a will to come back in motion takeover the mind. Don’t know what inertia is comprised in for this strength that helps to move us once back again toward the flow for what so called life. May be it’s the endangering lights that is gone in the insight of mind but every time it attracts with divinity and maybe that’s the reason behind every human striving toward its endless fate with faith. An unconscious mind even knows its glory hidden behind it and burning taken over it maybe so called rise and fall, a dawn and dusk, flittering it with ever so synonymous that take over in life. Ridding in the early sun that breakdown the power of dark into the judgment so critical and identifiable to every blooming creature that exist. But does it harms their eternity of longing miles into the shadows of memories is still so unpredictable, but still it walks with courage to fight despite of demise on the eye of nature and natural being.

I sometime stood in a vague trying to mesmerize the touch of serenity that behold my body like it is squeezing me, abusing me and contempting me with a ease betrayal and forcing me to play a role, I never wanted to be in. But when I open my eyes then I see is the pleasantful, unexhausting and toy like ball where I was born. May be it’s what called world where we are being detritus. We may think and compare with the malice care. But actually the point to with-stand and the endless journey to nowhere start over again and again in this holy place what called earth. Drowning in the blood stream for filling and feeling the heat at a periodical base may be the actual mean for survival but to accompany the sense of nirvana it needed a belief and trust in living with deed and quit the worthiness that exist to bring the human terror toward the war affair and burning rage. May be its called Buddha’s perception and enlightened perspective, but crossing through the bridge of meadow the sense of un-protective world haunts the soundness of mind taking it through the hindrance and blood-marks spreaded over every street and every corridor of bloodline. And maybe it is called terror: a fear that lies in the innermost corner of heart.

I try to recognize the time when I look through the west, a cold sun just going to fall beneath rebelling sky with its light for the today’s fall, allowing colors to spread over the longest vertical limit where the people of the other sides are carnivalling for the sun rise and at this side a mourn in dead symphony. What it would be if the rainbow sparkles every day? Would people die to see it like they do now or the relativeness importance of the rainbow will lose its dignity, What would be the case if sun shines every time passes its light of eternity for eternal, I think it myself before I go to bed. Thanking every moment I shared the day, remembering the laughter and smiles, remembering the talks, the history of today will never be the same tomorrow knowingly, I wished the beginning is the same tomorrow. Nevertheless if it happens the same what should we long for the life, what will happen to the journey we strive for and how can we walk same monotonous way with excellence. Thinking over it again and again I close my eyes to fall asleep.

I stood and see the enormous capability of the day wind, chilling through the passage, blowing without a direction but still reaching the destiny: frowning coldness inside the heart. The aim and dreams all that I’m foreseeing is achieved in mess and I stood getting nothing while I sleep on bed for last night RIP. A thin corridor passage where I’ve to pass through seems like a dream come true, a truth but never accepted by a single one, love that we see and feel but I ask to myself when I’m alone: Is it the same I’m used to or is that the colors it seems real? Thinking alone in the dark and listening to the melodies flowing through the wind I sometime listen the unclear heartbeat: Is it the mirage formed by heart or it is real? Can’t distinguish but always mind play tricks whenever I’m alone. Taking me to the world of memories, I see lots of faces known and unknown and then I see mountains and rivers, birds and sky then I finally face my mother eyes where I’m lost. I never can share my own dream without my mom behind me, patting my back and always wishing me a better future supported by the strong hand of my father and deep love of my brothers because of which I never feel the way of being lonesome. Then the inconsistency goes deeper to my soul that I search the way back to the originality and I stood on the piece of mud so called land. I then think of what would I be called if I was living in air or what it would be to called the land; a land of pride? Or it would be my foolishness if I think so? The land where I was born full of beautiful scenario but should I seek the wholesomeness inside the heart or lost in the gazing vista to look for wonderland. Every time I think I’m lost.

Being totally selfish, I also believe the general theory of life is to live and let live other with their free will, but when I think it alone it rather seems a pathetic phrase rather it may contain any optimism. But still it depends upon the human observation and I would like to concoct if it hurts because I’m just using my right to have my say. But every night I fear of the coldness that is spread outside and possible harm to coming off springs. If this nightmare so come true, then how can one survive out of it. Has anyone idea for it? Just click the mind and think it deeply, the deep rooted depression is overwhelmingly approaching nearer and nearer to the door, think how can we make our child safely out of it? Can our child practice free thinking that may bloom a history out of it or would they commit with-drawl so called easiest path to be out of it. The conciseness of it totally depends upon ones’ hand, better think of it before it’s too late to apply.

Every time I walk through and every time I tried to build a bridge between one hemisphere of brain to another, to bring the light of laughter and over rolling smiles of contrast and brightness of life. But don’t know why, when I see myself in the mirrors of life, my reflection is looted by the colors and passion of fears that is inbuilt within. I laughed to gaze around and I see a blindness in every smile that are faking at me, thought like a duty carrying like an occupation to bind, a duty to proceed before being late for something and to carryon every steps that comes through being dutiful and showing diligence, to teach the future offspring that are looking the eyes of time. A prudery to set up a building so that no depression can enter inside the heart filled with terror, how can it be? I think it myself. If it was so, I would build up a mall out of laughter, and help each off spring to settle inside without a grief and without a feel of loss, but time ain’t so. The nastiness of time has led myself to the endangering condition, a feel of depression is so passively building inside don’t know when I will fall but till then should I think of it and wait to make a blow off me? Na! That’s not the case here. Fighting with the real spirit is what I’ve been taught and if also I’m broke I won’t surrender, not this time.

A year of misconduct to second year of misleading, this is how I thought the life passing on like a bow fired on the air and without an aim. Let us say a stupidity of the ones’ choice to remain in the world of chaos and without an illusory game of blame at each other’s forehead that may result an overall consequences of dispute and war affair in this reign. Let me be simpler to the every phrase that I use that may create an agony within the human mind. This agony has led most of us the power of misinterpretation and misperception, of which no one of this generation is being able to overcome but trying to hang it off decades and decades ago. A state of conflict within itself, lose of self discipline and confident before we mourn to this rigidity and to make start over once again a new beginning over the inconsistent variable that the time posses, over grief and sorrows toward the thin blues where a massive power of ingredients help us with ease to chill out and beyond the materialistic faith of the human eye towards the world of new gens where a world so called is lying beneath us and we are hanging and leaning in the atmospheric pressure of light and floating in the air for a sun bath. How could one easily imagine and float in the oceans of dreams none of one coming true, but I do. No, I don’t like to be hung up like a patriot in lousy air with a noose in my head for what called freedom or neither I liked to be shot dead in the battle field of blame game incorporated in every human brains of this decade, passing and devastating every soul and brains of the timid un-sculptured to rotten thoughts. Rather I would like to fill it and mend it with scruple over disbeliefs and agony. Far among the thousand betrayals I would like to be one man standing rather supporting those rotten pigs with conservative morals and lousy characters.

Looking at the past time memories an odd shaped circumstance was always hysterically bound by shyness inside me and lack of ability to do the things right. And the time always played a bounder role in every stage passed thorough. Let’s put the nastiness of the time apart. There was always stronger and truer will to do something, always haunting my lively rhapsody each day but I couldn’t put a foundation stone or build a milestone to start it now or then. Don’t know from where I should start my walk through and inclined time toward sufficiency rather than praying in vague to so called lord and have nothing at all rather than sense of peace with in. So, it may be the reason why I have lost faith on god for gifting some treasury and started praying only for peace and soundness of mind. At least some time when enormous pressure and tension trying to bust out off my head like an erupting volcano I think of god and devote some time to be lost within and that’s the time when god supports me to forget all the things and have a soundness of mind until I’m out to the human world.

Some time I think to myself what if? The deep rooted hunger just faded away, and all that remain is dark and asylum where a little bit haste in the tranquility corner of the upper limb remains undone and unclassified, like the thoughts ongoing throughout the velvet mind, running pompous throughout the veins and dazzling out with every coldness, that broke out a malice care and uneven tragedies I have proceeded. It brings tear to my eyes at the remains of the days and I lock myself inside those doors, where I screamed for the death of love within the broken ribs, and all those scattered dreams piled up in the empty shadows. Like transparent mirror fallen, broken, twisted and contaminated with the reign of lies and betrayal, where I stood like a porcelain, nothing I can do but only mourn, remaining silent and null toward every step of destined uncertainties. What if? The morning sun brings the light but cannot feed my inner want of delight with its charm. Those rays simply loot my will for existence and vanish me, turn me into the ashes made up rot and useless bones made for nothing. Make me play every inch till the bottom line pulling, dragging and taking me to insanity. Merciless at every drunken path of hysteria where I thought of being abused, and love as it seemed so purest, hindering me and taking benefit to quench its thirst. Permanently making me sick and thirsty at every stage of cyclic immunity and memories as it seemed bad, diffusing my central nervous system and developing a stronger will and never ending bond for eternity, forgetting all the desire for materialistic faith I’m striving toward a beautiful sin called nirvana. But beneath every pros and cons of the timidity and timeliness I can see a ray, “a ray of hope” on the eyes that are simply waiting and waiting, don’t know till when and fighting over every circumstance, to see a win-win, to betray dark and flourish the upcoming generations in endless and immortal light. As I see some of those eyes, a sort of disbeliefs arise on my mind latterly overcome by a sense of motherly care of the nature, spreading my wind grabbing the coldness inside I thought of care that I deserved which is my right, I float over and over, again and again in those oceans of nirvana in those blue haze under which I forgive all those sins and all the maliceity care, I forget all the betrays and loss I suffered. Gazing in the blue I walk through storms and rains I pass by, thinking of it I cross by and by, every night I dream the course on. Every night the dreams that diversifies me with the greatest bonding with the greatest nature that raised me like a tenant, taught me like a refugee and holds me like never letting me go far, so far away from its motherly care. And every time my dreams are connected with the unsatisfied learning of human meanness toward the grateful nature meekness and every time I dream the devastating human cruelty over the great natural sovereignty, every time I dream of punishment of nature informs of natural calamities. Every night I dream……………………….

A restless to resistance and carrying on every days coordinated by the faith and virtue, once I walked through the fairies of all and fallen with massive pressure of those who wanted to with-stand in the same roof, tiled up and entitling with the same honor for practice and judgment, as I thought of being incapable of gaining the same illusory power segmented throughout my whole body. The will to fame game for the existence with the flame of literacy by indulging into every pass by, with a striving will toward the unknown and uncertain world of dart for the passage of speed to be a dark horse. The way is still longer to get through it in an instant and if maturity brought fuzzy content to be enrolled in this course of action, the longer the fate of predominance will be hitting over and over my consciousness.

A drama has been just led and still it is to be played for everyday existence, time to time something is messed to be carried out and every time the central hemisphere of the human brain is scratched hard and hard till any out- let for survival is not stroked out. As time pass and pass, every day the new, everyday very few and every day heart with dew, don’t know when existence light sparkled and faced its end, facing the death with cowardice heart.

Every morning I wake up like a character of a role playing and acting like a passionate actor for the endangering existence to life but every day I’m turned by the pages and scripts that the life is build up. Smoothly every time I try to organize each pavement of the walk I’m indulged with, trying to catch a rose every time I come to catch thorns located just beneath. As a childish play a walk through the dreams resulted of infancy and every time when I’m out the thoughts stung me, make me unconscious and I fall apart, torn and tear as I fall down and down, with every tide I’m up-thrusting and playing and every time I’m pouring and sobering, till each cells within the soul breaks and till every blood vessels inside bust making me bleed and every time I see time is teasing and playing with me mercilessly.

Eye witnessing the greatest nature fall, the heart beholds for the happiness. Same is the case regulated for every creature in this world and same as I do. Being touched by the infancy just, no one knows when one day we’ll be bald but we remain still counting the days to come, knowing that time will fly in an instant and no one can catch the time. May be it’s the human nature and may be human was made for counting days because human and only human word has full stop, it is easy to quit but it is hard to carry on. It is pretty easy to admire the natural scenarioty but it is hard to learn from it, the human don’t want to learn it because it may be lack of consistency that prohibits or lack of will power to face it.

Sometime when I stood on the shoreline of the river, I feel a cold tide flowing ups and downs on the purified base of death and existence where enormous captivity of bloodstream flowing pompously within my cell lines with-draws the senesces of insecurity, and the instinct plays a vital role over all the thoughts beholding within the senesces corner lost. I’m drown with the ever-lasting flow of tides that I see gazing far beyond the horizon it touches and dazzled by the insight within the cold waves and cold drops. I come to see my past with its flow where various bitter truths exist over the happy moment of times and I couldn’t stop shivering on the thoughts where emptiness and loneliness are used to friend of life. Looking tediously on the picture of the past, somewhere beneath those circles of joys I provoke always a lie, coldness and downfalls and mass regrets within the narrowness of heart where tear used to be the never lasting games.

Within the empty vessel of ribs line, innocence over rule and makes the face of grief with every passage of tingling thoughts where a child is suffocated by the outdoors and merciless cruelty hits him again and again with every sober touch. Being at the infancy and lonesome at every path of the head, a child reaches out to touch the handsomeness of life and playing out door games is as simple as feeding the empty belly with food in front. Nevertheless the case is never simple as it looks and within the outdoor something unbearable but unreachable always exist. Passing through those corners and infant can’t ever control the feels that it may seem to be the happiest is the darkest point that are overruling beside that happiness. It not only ruins the blood vessels but also detriments every veins and tissues. Same is the case here, with just touched infancy; I don’t know when I started lighting on the cigarette puffs, and with every passage of its use, blowing the medicines and intoxicant is just as simple like playing something of hobby. With every passage of drunken paths of this history I fear of going nowhere but simply residing within the mass of nothing and ruining every vessel with hallucination and lunacy. Slowly it becomes the habit and never looking at the face of time I’m within its deep virtue.

Slowly and steadily I’m within its strong hand and can’t even show enough courage to make a move to be out of it, I’m just trembling within its harsh grip and taking over it again and again unless the smoke make a cloud deep inside and I’m drown of the unknown fever of some kind but every time I feel like I’m flying over the dusk and every time it drains me into a empty vessels filled with hollowness, I prayed every time if life is always like that then, Ah! What a beautiful world would it be? Within the over-dosed mind, but simply quitting it after once making a good grab and standing in it with deep rooted hunger of intoxicant is never a simple case, I tried to leave it many times and catch it sooner after I quit but finally with my mothers and fathers blessing hands I came out of it and the days I started thinking about my future, a strive toward a outlet, a journey for unfinished destiny started and now I’m here out of its touch……….

It is some kind of Feb night I think, I was standing in my roof inhaling enough air to breathe and removing all suffocations with in my mind, then I came to see the stars just above my head but there was absence of moon, I don’t know then how some kind of betrayal, some kind of emotional insecurity disheartened my mind and I started to cry alone in that night thinking about it over again and again. The picture of her was so closer every time I poured the vagueness with the feel of null, standing on an edge of life, I haven’t ever started. The bitterness was so overwhelmingly conquering whole over my body and soul that simply I wanted to forget it but I’m falling even deeper and deeper within the pond of misery and grief; the way she rejected me I can never ever love anyone but I couldn’t share this things to my worshipper, so I just played within the heart but never found an outlet.

The gestures that have been followed till now and couldn’t see the divinity each time, I tried to walk and walk. Don’t know what eyes were expecting till then but every time either for romance or either for fun I’ve been heading always with the same old pain hiding each time but filling up teeth with unknown smile, the time gave me lot more than I expect and each time I was tangling in the same worldly affairs of lies that virtual heart used to enjoy. The life path wasn’t simply the fun, and enjoying in the pain was a brave game but with a broken symphony inside the hidden smile was always provoking loud and loud that every time when a smile poured, every time eyes were closed and every time I cry inside loud and loud and loud. But time is so powerful and soon after it I recovered from it, I had to live, live for better, aim high and achieve a standard for my mother sake, for my father, for all who loves me and finally for myself. And then I saw a ray of hope;

It only can dig the misery deep inside me,
But happiness is blowing simply out
And for its pursuit I have to run
To carry on life, to carry on faith,
To carry on living for the god’s sake
To strive for a new,
A new world I think for another chance,
A new beginning for a new start point
A new mountain peak to set a height,
A new sun for a new dawn,
To flourish a pigmented blues over a vast sky,
To pierce the dark with rays and light,
New overall again those roses and thrones,
I learned that this is how life always runs.

Like every morning there was sun and waking in its presence is somewhat I learnt from the walk I passed, with in the thunders and the rains of so called life and in the harsh time I learned to smile, slowly, steadily I think I’ve grown up to think and differentiate between good and bad, true and false. Every time a new philosophy to life is led and every time the observing eye was new. A cruelty was overcome by the time spent and never mind how vicious time passed in learning phase, there was no time left for me to cry for some kind of loss and no teeth were poured or filled by the gains of life, what comes in will be gone and what were catched will be thrown just like a behavior of mine in the past. The insightness with a lapse of time have procured my responsibility toward time but the case is vastly difference with a new thoughts, a positive one every time, filled with ecstasy to see happiness that blows in common sense rather than any materialistic and physical touchability notes. Every time with a greater sense in life and way to head with a monotonous philosophy was trying to undermine me into a grave of sorriest and within the congested corners of broken limbs the soreness was haunting and nibbling me, dragging upside down every time I tried to find being rescued inside, I pity fall but a will determined and prescribed latterly helped me succeeding it in greater response. A new knowledge was led and I simply didn’t remain I but a new theory had begun, I was a part of nature and its belongings, a generation of life had been commenced where I learned to walk hand in hand and make a beat purest of all, a new melody was spreading and I’m lost with the rings of thoughts, the lyrics was same old but the compositions was new, the beats were of same kind but the music was new. Every time it was a new

I stood before the light and it absorbed my dew,
I was worshipping the old tracks but it showed me new,
Every time I walked and it showed me the ray,
The fallen shadows is longing now to aim its way
Everything expect very few,
The same sunshine but as bright as blue,
The new life song and the new crew,
The wholesomeness of heart to draw a line
The broken symphony has commenced once again
And now the heart is fine…………………………………

Finally breaking out of the anguish cry heart is striving for new commencement but still the mind is so unclear that how much it is needed to walk to reach its beginning way, at least a start point to walk on and the eye to tag the target. Still the heart full of dilemma pinched every night and every night I try to sort out a beginning to start-over again. For what we called new beginning again. This is a journey never stopping one. I can’t focus where it ends neither can I focus the starting place but this will not end here and I have to strive toward the colors spread. The journal it will be started again when life script is seen and I have to wait for it. It was always a pleasure every way walked despite of inconsistencies and odds in the way of my journey toward life and walking in the future is always a beautiful and joyful. I will start it over again and again in the days to come when I see the colors patterns spreading for me……….

PART 2
With an early worship for the time remaining and after a cold night stay in the upper heart suffering, a new path in inconsistent mass, new way synchronization and a way to be out from the unknown variable, a journey that never limits the movement but future is always hiding and flourished vista that is visible never came true in return. A painted kingdom of dreamland and lack of visible quantity, a pace toward the availability but nothing to die for in accomplishment, a way to be seek out but don’t know where every passage leads us and a sleep we are indulged in not knowing where the dream end and we are back in the initial phase of life. What we called a new beginning and a new world a new place to live again dreaming the same fantasy among the unknown and dreaming again the creation of a new world, new barriers and new accomplishment.

Standing in front in meadow where sun is just above our head and our body stand still hiding the shadows within it. But slowly as the time starts moving we totally differ our direction, shadows just keep on gazing the ground where our soul try to reach the high altitude world of various feet height and until the darkness it tries to prove this world, its superiority among them and within the darkness it falls again prevailing hunger for the next day birth to prove it sole remaining within this surrounded universe. And it always it carries a virtue of do and die until the last days bye and again in another corner a next gens take place in the form of a child, running again and again, turning every passage of life and lastly again it falls with another crawl in the other side.

"Enlight my soul desire"

2010-01-18T10:17:00.000-08:00

I'm walking with pain in an boulevard
drawing an arc in a sea shore
mending a broken pain inside
cleaning the nuisance that was thrown
In a art that was drawn by the hands fallen in war
In a gallery of procrastinated spouse
called as immature an miniature one
treated as rusted fellow in a mass of lame
With the heart of concrete and dust to swallow
Lights hide through the eyes
Insufficiency prevails rounding my heart
Disturbed for the passage I've roamed alone
And it's a psychic experience I've been holding on
It's a passage back I'm seeking on
I'm lost, light my soul desire now
bring those infancy again in me
I'm deprived of what is real
shrinking down in an ark of fantasy
I'm lost light my soul's desire
get me out of this prudence darkness enriching here
I'm tired of those preached philosophy
save me save from this lunatic atmosphere
I don't know where I'm lost
light my soul desire again in me

Turn my ways to history
and allow me to reconcile what I've done
I'm left here alone to mime
Being disguised with the chance I've over-thrown
Letting obsolete feels round my empty soul
Flipping in the edge of hollowed dream
fatalistic by the wound pampered
in a hole of drilled hope
crooked in a cell to reach nowhere
begging for mercy as it is swallowing down
the presence of high altitude world
but where is that beach I'm awaiting
a place where i sunbathed in
played a foolish game where i was betrayed
in a mess of reaching top
I'm lost, light my soul desire now
bring those infancy again in me
I'm deprived of what is real
shrinking down in an ark of fantasy
I'm lost light my soul's desire
get me out of this prudence darkness enriching here
I'm tired of those preached philosophy
save me save me from this lunatic atmosphere
I don't know where i'm lost
light my soul desire again in me

"My Silence"

2010-01-18T10:05:00.000-08:00

I'm away from the talks used to be shared
I'm far now and its my truth
The days indulged in smiles and laughter
And same it echoes somewhere deep inside me
Somewhere we used to be part of it
But now single me

I'm out of a hangover of pretending
I know i can never be fulfilled
The pain still breaks me down
And sometimes it aches somewhere deep inside me
Sometime we used to share along
But now single me

My silence is provoking in empty space
Somewhere inside the congested place
But listening to deep is impossible for you
Vibration I made was easy to hear
But can you read my heart beat?
The eyes are trembling to trace your way
And still in silence I made a call
Waiting in same corridior
Can you listen my call?
I'm still waiting for you.........

"I heard the voice of inner-self"

2010-01-18T09:46:00.000-08:00

The night remained freezing cold with blockage of light
the dark ruined all the images of history
trying to recall the same old pain inside of me
I forget the past aching somewhere deep
the one that conciseness wanna erase
the same guilt that hallucinates
roaming over the truth and facts

Here starts a new game now
those consoling corners
comes over again and again in front of me
trying to manipulate the facts
what i thought was to be real
those world of me and my fantasy
everything crooked and everything rot
patience was never for something what I call
a world to chain in my heart desire

And another withdrawn notes overturned
overthrown again and again for a endless time
a try to procure all those hasty effects
seen through an infant eyes
in a try to make this world a better place for living
for another sacrifice
a end of rounding corners
where life end the line

I heard a voice of inner-self
trying to reconcile those rusty image
what i had and what i lost
for what i had thought to
what i am holding on now.....